My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
