i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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