did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
