so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
