I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
