fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
