??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't deserve a penis
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
