Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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