Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just tell him i said nine months
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
