woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
