ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
