it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
