Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
