from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
