i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
