True but thats because hes a fetus.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
