I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
