If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
