remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
