Four minutes until I can fart!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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