hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
