Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
