piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just pee around me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
