I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
