So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
