Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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