Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
