woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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