the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
