Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
