It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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