She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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