Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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