I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
