sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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