I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
