If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
