Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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