Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
