I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
