if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
