i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
