suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
