When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
