if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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