Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
