it wasn't lemon gatorade
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
