i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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