i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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