there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
