then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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