Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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