2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
