is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
