Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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