i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
