Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
